Edward's Honesty
by Peoplegivemethecreeps
Summary: A brief beginning of Edward's 'honest' thought's at the end of the first book 'Twilight'.


_You want to know what blood smells like? It's not that metallic iron smell, it doesn't taste that way. To you maybe, but not to me. The divine smell is so intense from her, it's like your favourite scent and taste and touch and sound all combined into one, all your senses are well sensitised. You could bathe in it._

_I don't care about killing her, I only care that after it's over, I won't ever find any other blood as good as hers. I want to save her, to keep her, I will kill her. I will bleed her dry. It's not about love, I bet I had you fooled didn't I, like I fooled her, because she will be mine. Soon. It's that constant dilemma, do I have my fill now, or do I wait and with the wait the taste will be all the better._

_Don't worry about hating me, I'm alright with it, I'm happy with it. You think I care that I'm the monster. I don't even see it that way, this is what I am, what do I care what that means to anyone else. You think you are so special? You aren't neither am I, but don't give me those disconcerting looks, don't be so disgusted with me. I am what I am and nothing else. I don't tell you to stop being selfish, but you are, all humanity is, and that is what I am. There is nothing on this earth that is an unselfish act, therefore don't tell me to act unselfishly. Don't tell me to fight what I am, because you never have. You can lie and say you have, but that only makes you a liar...and selfish._

_I will kill her._

_I know you don't mind, because you are human, and egotistical and deep down you wish you were me. You wish you will get to satisfy your senses like I will, I don't care about Isabella Swan, I am only concerned for her blood, and I am saving it for the perfect moment. Once that moment comes I will have no choice but to devour it all in one go, and it will be brilliant. I know you wish you were me, and strong enough to take what you wanted, when you wanted it. I will kill her, because I am selfish, and this is what I am. If you had the urge, so would you._

_Isabella Swan, the lion falls in love with the lamb? It doesn't. Does it. The lion stalks the lamb, religiously, intuitively. The lamb lets its guard down, the lamb becomes comfortable. Why would I keep her close if I didn't plan on killing her, why would I keep temptation so close when I didn't plan eventually on giving in. Of course, she has intrigued me for a time, but it is a game. You want to know a secret - I am worse than James. She saw him coming, she won't see me coming, she won't realise her foolish mistake. It has been fun, and the taste will be all the more sweeter for it. She thinks I have a soul, a heart, but have you heard it beating? The way she talks about it, doens't it make you giggle a little inside, I may be obsessive, but I am only returning the affection she cannot help but throw in my direction. She want's me she can have me. Till I decide that it is time for me to have her, and I will. It's only a matter of time. _

(You want to know why I wrote this – I didn't believe when reading the book that Edward and Isabella were in love, I didn't believe it, I couldn't suspend my disbelief and it didn't seem feasible. It seemed almost trite and made a mockery of what love can be portrayed as. I don't believe in love, but I do believe in solidarity and care for others, I don't even think Edward seemed to care for Isabella, he seemed to be playing with Isabella, and she was simply a game. Playing with his food? How very obvious, if a little cruel. I was disappointed by this book; the film seemed to me to be far more realistic. However, I'd rather read Orwell or Plath any day. I prefer aloneness, or the feeling of isolation, we are together, but really completely alone. I was clearly feeling rather pessimistic this day, and well most days, but maybe I will change the opinion, maybe Bella will get to Edward. I believed in the book a lot more towards the end, I have started on New Moon now, and Bella's isolation and abandonment feel very real. Perhaps twilight was just leading up to new and better things. I certainly hope so.)


End file.
